Dear Men,
I know you are
confused. Maybe a little frustrated, even. You see her, all parts of her, the
good and the bad! And you can’t help but fall in love with each and every one
of them. You can’t help but feel like all those flaws and all those
imperfections that she tries to hard to hide are exactly what make her truly
beautiful. And you can’t help but feel like devoting your entire life towards
making her feel as beautiful and perfect as she actually is.
Just she won’t believe
you. She just won’t let herself go. And she just won’t understand how it is
even possible for you to feel that way for her. This drives you crazy. It makes
you feel helpless. You feel like you would do absolutely anything to make her
see herself through your eyes for just a minute. You feel like taking away all
of her pain and insecurities once and for all and filling her life with the
kind of happiness she truly deserves. You feel like you just want to break
through that wall she has built around her. And you just can’t seem to
understand why it was ever built in the first place. I know you want to break
through, I know you want to understand, I know you want to give her true
happiness, and I know you want her to really believe you when you tell her you
love her.
But it’s just not that
simple for her. It’s not simple because people made her promises that they
could never even keep. Because she’s lost so much of her self-esteem that she
doesn’t even feel like she deserves the love you are giving her. Because too
many people have entered her life and then just left, without any reason,
without any guilt, and without a warning. She doesn’t want you to be one of
those people. She doesn’t want more broken promises. She doesn’t want to lose
the little bit of self-esteem that’s still left. But she does want to believe
you. She does want to give you a chance. She does want to trust you enough to
give her the love she deserves. She really does, but life has given her too
many reason to not trust the people who say they “love” her. She has seen and
felt so much in this short life of hers. She had moments where she felt like
the pain just wouldn’t end, like there was nothing left to fight for, like it
wasn’t even possible for her to breathe. Moments where she had no reason to get
up in the morning because even if she did, she would spend the entire day
feeling just emptiness and nothing else. Moments that made her feel like there
was not even an inch of hope left in her life. Moments that just tore her soul
apart. Moments that still seem unreal.
Just the thought that you
might actually love her makes her scared beyond words. It makes her want to run
away and hide from what will follow. It makes her recall all the times when she
saw all her hopes and dreams come crashing down right in fornt of her eyes. She’s
no stranger to what this love will entile. She knows how it works all too well,
it actually feels like a pattern now. A guy comes along, he makes her smile, he
makes her feel special, he makes her fall in love, he gives her some amazing
moments, he slowly becomes the center of her entire life, and then? He just leaves.
Where does the “love” suddenly go away? When has it ever stopped from fading
away with time? Who will fill that unbearable void in her life now? She doesn’t
want fall back into that same old trap. She doesn’t want to believe in this “true
love” of yours and end up being vulnerable to the possibility of it being just
a temporary obsession. She doesn’t want to have you for a while and then be
forced to just forget you even existed. She’s scared because being alone feels
like a better option than living with the possibility of getting her
heart-broken again.
It’s not necessary that
she’s still broken, that she still cries herself to sleep every night just
thinking about how much she misses that one guy, or that her life is still
completely stuck on that one bad time she had to face. It can go both ways. It’s
possible that she might be completely healed by now or she might still feel all
the pain of her past and the insecurities she felt creep up inside her over and
over again. Whatever tha case might be, that’s not your main problem. That’s
not the main obstacle you have to overcome to finally be with her. How she
feels about herself and her present life doesn’t really matter at this point
because somewhere along the way, when
she gave it her all and still couldn’t make it work, when that one guy who
meant the world to her didn’t even think twice before leaving her, and when
everything around her seemed to be falling apart, she just stopped believing in
true and endless love. And this loss of faith isn’t because of just one single experience.
Maybe it happened because of that time when the most important person in her
life left her all alone, hurt and broken or maybe it happened when her friend’s
guy cheated on her even though they seemed like the most perfect couple or
maybe it was because of how she never saw any real love and affection between
her parents or maybe it was the effect of all these things combined. Everything
she saw and everything she felt just seemed to point at one simple truth. Love
is temporary. And no matter how hard she tries to look at the bright side, no
matter how hard she tries to convince herself otherwise, and no matter how
badly she wants to believe in some never-ending love, all the sad stories
around her just seem to overpower all the happy ones.
And she understands the
fact that you can’t blame just one person when a relationships ends. She isn’t
some psycho who is out to hate and plot revenge againts every guy in the world
just because one of them made the mistake of breaking her heart. She is wise.
She does try to understand things from all perspectives. She knows that
sometimes, good people are also capable of doing the most horrible things. She
realizes that breaking someone’s heart is not a very hard or impossible thing
to do. And she feels that she can’t even blame her ex for slowly falling out of
love with her because it’s a perfectly normal thing that can happen to anyone
and at any time. So she doesn’t want to give you or herself that chance. She doesn’t want to open your lives up to the
possibility of experiencing a love that probably won’t even last. She doesn’t want
you both to have it all and then lose it in the blink of an eye. All she really
wants is for you both to be protected from the tragedy that love sometimes
becomes.
Or maybe you have been
looking at all of this from a completely wrong perspective. Maybe the only
reason it’s so hard for her to believe that you love her is because she wasn’t the
person who was left behind or hurt or broken up with in the first place. Maybe
she hasn’t spent a single day crying over the one that left. Maybe she was
NEVER the one who was left all alone feeling utterly worthless. Maybe she was
at the other end. Maybe she was the one
who was breaking someone else’s heart.
And it’s not like she did it on purpose, it’s not like she didn’t try to make
it work, it’s not like she enjoyed putting him through so much pain, and it’s
not like the confused and depressed face of her ex-lover doesn’t still haunt
all of her dreams. She loved him just as much as you claim to love her. She
told him how perfect he was right at the start just like you did. And when they
started off, she felt strong faith in the fact that this relationship was going
to be the one that lasts. But after a few years, after the initial passion had
died down, and after their relationship had reacted that point of monotony
which all relationships reach, it just stopped feeling right to her. She still
felt that love and affection (the amount that you are bound to have after all
these years together) but she still didn’t feel like she could make it work any
longer. And she just wasn’t ver sure if he was actually the one. She didn’t do
it on purpose. She didn’t enjoy breaking this news to him. She didn’t want him
to cry or scream or do any of the things that this breakup was bound to make
him do.
And that’s exactly what
scares her the most. She understands that you can love and care for a person
deeply and still not want to be with them. She knows that when you actually
want to leave and get out of a relationships, then no amount of time together
and no amount of guilt can stop you from takingthat step. And she’s scared that
this one time, you might end up being the one who leaves. She’s scared that she
might be on the receiving end of the pain this time. She’s scared that karma
might come and hit her rigth in the face and that she might get a taste of her
own medicine.
You don’t need to show
her some romantic movies or suggest a passionate novel or tell her tales of all
the happy couples you have ever known. You don’t have to do all of that to make
her realize what she’s missing out on. She is perfectly aware of how beautiful
love can be.
She knows how it can
make you feel like the happiest person in the entire universe, she knows how
all the love songs and all those lame romantic comedies suddenly start to make
sense when you have that special someone by your side, she knows about all the
butterflies you constantly tend to feel, and she knows how love can make you
smile at the smallest of things.
But she also knows how
all those dreams and all those amazing moments can come crashing down in a
single second! So she will prefer to stay on the safe side, she will prefer to
live a life of ordinary moments than take the risk that’s attached with making
your life extra-ordinary. She will choose to love a little less just to feel a
little safer. She will keep her heart close to herself than handing it over to
someone else. She will make sure that she always stays in control.
But when all is said
and done, after everything has been explained, and after all the reason have
been spelled out to you, there’s still a chance that some part of her does
believe in your love. Somewhere deep down inside, there’s still a girl who
longs for love, who feels like letting her guard down, who feels like facing
each and every risk just to get that true happiness back, and who is ready to
let you in.
But it won’t be easy to
get that side out. You will have to explain to her extacly why you love her,
not how much you love her. You will have to explain to her that you are just as
scared and vulnerable as she is. You will have to show her with your actions
and not just your words that she won’t have to face anything alone. You will
have to make her understand that you are truly here to stay. You will have to
prove that this is not some ordinary love. Because once you do all of that and
once you show her that effort, she will definitely be worth it!
