The Difference Between FALLING IN LOVE And Actually LOVING SOMEONE

This love is real. It’s beautiful. It’s inspiring. And it is selfless.

All of us grow up with different perfections of what this phenomenon really is. We pick up bits and pieces from all those romantic movies, those sappy songs, and all the age-old love stories to form an expectation of what this “love” might entail. Some of us believe it to be a source of unlimited happiness and joy for us. Some of us just long for the passion and excitement that love is bound to bring. And some of us just want to experience a complete fairytale, just like the one in the movies.

Whatever our expectations and theories about love may be, we all share one thought in common initially : that love is only about us, about finding our own joy, about making our own life better. And we tend to ignore the fact that for love to be truly beautiful, it NEEDS to be selfless. We need to think more about what we can give rather than about what we can take from it. Only then do we enter the possibility of finding our own fairytale, or making our life eternally happy, and of truly finding ‘the one’.

The journey from this initial selfishness towards true and selfless love is reflected in the differences between “falling in love” and actually “loving someone”. Read ahead to find out whether your perfections about love are at the initial stages or have evoled towards something more mature and meaningful :

FALLING IN LOVE

You meet someone. You like them. You go on few dates together. You get to know them better. And with every meeting, you start to like them even more. You find yourself thinking about them dan and night. They have even managed to make appearances in your dreams. The thoughts of their beautiful smile, the way they tell you their stories with so much passion in their eyes, the way they tease you and laugh it off mischievously, the way they make your heart pound faster every time they move an inch closer, all of it has consumed your mind.

The excitement of seeing them again, of touching them, of feeling their skin next to yours is something you are unable to contain. They are all you want to talk about and all you want to feel. And you end up wondering that maybe and finally, you have met your one true soul mate.

All these feelings and emotions, they are just too unreal and too overwhelming. You feel like this new person in your life is the answer to all your prayers. They are everything you ever wanted, everything you ever desire and much more. You need to be with them. You need to see their smile every day. You need to hear voice. You need to touch them. You need to hold them close.

And in between all these uncontrollable needs and desires, you forget this one essential truth : falling in love with someone is literally altering the chemicals in your brain! In these initial stages of your infatuation, your hormones are out of control, your pupils dilate every time they are near, and you even feel a little nauseous from the excitement of seeing them again.

So what happens when the chemicals in your brain finally come to rest, when the initial excitement and romance start to decrease, and when you finally allow yourself to come back to the realities of life? You realize that this new person is not exactly an anget sent from above, like you thought in the start.

They have come with their own set of flaws, faults, and imperfections. And you are left wondering whether this person actually is the one for you or if your body chemistry has played a trick on you yet again. Now we are not asking to disregard all the feelings and the unlimited excitement and passion that you feel in the start.

Left it enter your life, feel the joy fill your heart, and enjoy falling in love! But be prepared for what is next. Be prepared for your feelings to change. And be prepared to face  the hard times along with the good ones.

LOVING SOMEONE

While falling in love may not be in your control, loving someone in completely your own choice. Once you fall in love with someone, it is up to you to decide the next step. You need to decide whether you want to start a commited relationship with this person. You need to decide whether you are prepared to give in all your time and efforts towards starting a new life.

And you need to decide whether you are ready to love all their flaws as much as you love the good things about them. This is where selflessness comes in. This is where you learn to put someone else’s needs and desires above yours. This is where you decide to accept and love someone for all their imperfections and not despite them. This is where you start to think of ways to fill someone else’s life with love rather than thinking up of ways to fill the voids in your own.

Loving someone does not necessarily imply that all your old feelings of passion, excitement, and crazy love are just going to die down forever. It just implies that your love for this person becomes more realistic. You will not feel the need to “own” this person forever, the need to make a permanent mark, the need to convince them to be yours forever. You will not feel these needs because you are confident and secure about the love that you are giving them. You have developed a trust in yourself as well as your partner.

Although a little bit of jealousy is natural in a relationship but obsession and controlling behavior are not sing of true love. Sure, you might be a little  obsessive about your partner a the very start but once you actually learn to love them. You will not feel this need. You will give each other the space to grow, to be independent, to love your own lives and to develop into the amazing individuals that you were always destined to become.

When you truly start to love someone, you become more aware of the potential problems and issues that your relationship can encounter. You prepare yourself for them. And you work towards resolving them together. Rather than giving up and leaving at the sign of the very first fight. You are thankful for this amazing love that you are received and you are determined to make the circumstances. This love is not a chemical romance and it is not something temporary. You don’t need a constant excitement to remind you of its existence. You don’t need to search for other ways to find true happiness.